As the years go by, we learn new things about life and about ourselves. The list of regrets grows longer, especially those concerning others, and things one has said or done that one would like to erase. But often it is the things we didn't say or do that we regret the most.
I realized that I had never taken the chance to tell Rita how much I loved her. Along with Werner, her husband, she is at the center of what I consider the happiest years of my life. Years of recklessness but also of personal deepening. Rita and Werner, as well as Gerhard and Elsi Grob, Luc and Suzie de Montmollin, and others provided Villa Maria with the safe and solid environment in which many young people could learn about life, and especially about a committed life.
We have been able to absorb valuable insights and experiences and thus, over time, integrate some of them into our lives. Only now do I appreciate what it meant for Rita and the others to give up all personal aspirations to be the parents, morally and spiritually speaking, of the community.
I doubt that we young people realized what a privilege it was to participate in this life, much less suspected what price others were paying to make it all possible. At least I didn't. But if only I had, and had enough empathy to ask more questions! Did Rita ever regret putting aside any personal aspirations? And if so, how did she handle those regrets? Did she feel that we were worth it? Did we evolve as she hoped? Did we, did I remain faithful?
As I grew in my understanding of this kind of life and read the most "revolutionary" literature, I realized that I would never be one of those white knights in shining armor who could "read" another person and in a few dazzling words set them free and on the right track. My attempts in this field have failed miserably.
In retrospect, I am beginning to realize that my call to remake the world is more than a personal action, it is about working with others to create the physical and spiritual conditions in which individuals in a community (large or small) feel free to open their hearts and where even the smallest experience can be passed on to others. A place where it is natural and normal to share my weaknesses and joys, my hopes and fears.
These are the prerequisites that Rita, Werner and the others have put in place for our spiritual growth. But there is a price to pay for this life in the heart of a community. I have already mentioned the renunciation of personal aspirations. Moreover, it is not possible to line up results or count souls. Among those who have participated in the Villa Maria community, some have not liked the life, others have left angry or hurt. Mistakes were made. Some took years to fulfill their vocation and those who supported them were no longer around to see it. Most of us do not feel up to the task of passing on this life experience.
But I have come to believe with all my heart that the only thing that is really important is that I remain faithful to this calling. Rita, Werner and the others have remained faithful. If only I had told her how grateful I am and how much she means to me. With all my affection. Gunnar Söderlund, Märsta, Sweden
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