When I started to get involved with Initiatives of Change (IofC) in 2003, one of the major changes that I experienced was a decision to quit smoking. Through IofC I was able to unravel some of the reasons why I smoked. There were several motives: I wanted to be accepted in a certain community of friends (the fear of rejection was something deep-seated in me); secondly I tended to smoke when I felt confused or distressed. Since then I've been struggling a lot with this decision. Of course there have been a lot of ups and downs in trying to stick with it, but at least I made a decision and started my jihad (struggle) against my own desires and temptations.
This experience helped me to go deeper into the true meaning of jihad. My own interpretation/understanding of jihad has been evolving over time. Frankly, I used to understand jihad only in terms of taking up arms and joining a battle, but later on I realized that this was not the true meaning.
Some Muslim professors used to say to us in seminars that jihad is not merely fighting to defend against infidels. They told us that the true jihad is fighting against our own desires and lust. And then I would say to myself, ‘Yes I understand that, but I still have a question …. How?’ I never found the answer to this ‘how’ question answered in the seminars or workshops that I attended.
But this ‘how’ question was answered when I made that decision to quit smoking back in 2003. Since that time, I have heard a lot of stories within the IofC network of people of different faiths. Stories about real people who have been able to make a change. I also witnessed a lot of people who are true ‘value practitioners’. Those people have been showing me the meaning of what was taught in all those seminars and conferences by Muslim academic professors. Even though some of these ‘value practitioners’ are not Muslim in terms of their theology, I can see that they are Muslim in terms of their values. And they are also ‘jihadist’. I have learnt a lot from them on how to be a real jihadist. And since then my jihad has been starting.
Last, but not least, IofC and all of its instruments; its values, community and organization, has been supporting me a lot in my journey of discovering the spiritual dimension of my Muslim faith.
Abdullah Alwazin
The author is a volunteer with Initiatives of Change in Indonesia
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